Expectations

When someone close to you expresses disappointment in your actions, it can be devastating. Of course, the reverse is true--many of us are "praise-junkies" who need at least a degree of recognition to validate doing what we should do anyway. Why are the opinions of others so important that they oftentimes override whatever we might have thought about ourselves independently? 

The arrival of the internet has made it more and more difficult to keep things that we do in the dark. Many people fear this loss of privacy, because the most common consequence of it is the loss of self-worth that comes from failing to live up to another's expectations... or perhaps worse, fulfilling expectations that are negative. Simply put, we generate much of our internal stress and conflict through what we perceive as the expectations of others. 

When one person expects something of another, even subconsciously, the former will act in a manner according to that idea. Probably with subtlety, likely not on purpose, there will be enough hints, negative thoughts, and body language to make it clear to the person with a problem that their "friend" thinks they are doomed. Compound that with the tendency of all of us to gossip about other's problems, and you have a recipe for a powerful negative feedback loop for the person in peril. 

I may not have explained my train of thought here as clearly as I'd like to, but I think that anyone who starts considering the way they treat "problem people" will be sure that at some point, they've contributed to their relation's lack of self-esteem (which is almost undeniably what will lead that poor soul into repeating negative patterns of behavior). 

We are all here to help each other along our journeys. There's nothing to gain by expecting bad things out of people that are in your life--only the guilt of enabling negative behavior by acting like its inevitable. Treat others with the awareness that they're building a self-image out of what's reflected in the faces of their friends--if those faces are disdainful or unloving, that self-image will suffer. 

Yes, it's a roundabout rehash of the golden rule, but this lesson has been so present in my life lately that I felt the need to try and explain it more thoroughly. Treat your friends, your family, and most importantly yourself, as if failure doesn't exist--because no matter the problem or bad pattern, there is always a chance to change. If that potential exists, then there really isn't failure, just a false-start. Love the people in your life with genuine positive expectations. If you perceive another's faults, consider how you might possess similar faults, and honestly decide whether or not its them you have a problem with, or something about yourself. 

Love the person next to you, and you won't have the opportunity to think badly of yourself.